So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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