How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize