Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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