the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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