He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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