I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize