Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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