everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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