I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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