ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize