Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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