Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize