Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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