Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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