My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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