Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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