Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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