I hate all girls vehemently.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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