she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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