she looked like the before picture.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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