did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this just has baby written all over it
It's just like the Real World with babies
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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