Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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