The maid of honor just puked.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
soo... how was my night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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