he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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