I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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