He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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