Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am available for nakedness
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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