Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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