I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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