What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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