no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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