My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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