A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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