Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize