watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize