i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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