I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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