Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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