i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
either way he was missing a nipple.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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