Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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