lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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