You made me cry and you don't even care
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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