you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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