i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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