Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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