At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize