Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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