I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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