my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize