It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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